DawsonTimes.com

I learned a great lesson last weekend with my kids. It’s something I knew, but had never experienced so directly. There’s no such thing as quality time, only quantity time (with kids).  

Some people believe that they can schedule quality-time with their kids, in which they think their kids will open up, reveal what’s really going on, and share.  They want to schedule this time the way they schedule a business lunch. But, kids don’t work on these kinds of schedules.  They’ll open up when they’re good and ready and usually this will be when you least expect it, as happened one weekend with my younger son.

He had to be bribed to come skiing (snowboarding in his case) with me. Hard to believe, but he isn’t interested.  My older son is, but my younger one got cold the first time we tried and has been against it ever since. I booked a 2-hour private lesson for the boys.  My younger one wanted to quit early, as he was tired.  Instead of berating him, I supported him and told him he was doing great, as did the teacher.  I didn’t push him.  I made it clear to both of them that I was proud of their efforts.  

The same thing happened the second day.  Again, I supported them.  Each day, as a result, we were in the condo early.  It was hard for me, as I so want my boys to enjoy winter sports.  But, truly, it’s clear now (after several tries) that they just aren’t inclined this way.  So, how does all this relate to the quality time idea?  Simple.  I hung with my boys all weekend.  I let them set the pace.  I was there for them.  

The bribe for my younger son was a Lego he really wanted.  When we got home, he stayed up till after midnight working on it.  At 12:30 a.m. he comes into my room, sobbing, that he’d broken it.  I knew he was just running on fumes and desire.  Gently, I coaxed him into bed and he fell asleep within moments.  The next morning, he arose and immediately went back to the Legos. I was working on the computer and quite focused.  After a while, he came to me asking for my help to fix the broken Lego.  I was about to say later, as I was intent on what I was doing.  But, I realized this was a breakthrough as he is the kind of kid who doesn’t reach out and ask for help.  So, I said sure and went in his room and worked with him on it, finally figuring out the mistake he’d made.  He was ecstatic and then didn’t want me to leave as we continued to put it together.

This is the quantity time thing. Staying there, being there.  It was a special moment and I’ll cherish it.  I think everyone is running around too damned much.  All our new technologies have only made most people more overwhelmed, busier.  It’s these moments that matter most in our lives - the little ones, like building a Legos with your 9-year-old and figuring out where the mistake was.  I hope I never say "later" to my kids again.

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