When working with student writers in kindergarten through grade three, I often employ the Three Kisses and a Wish strategy during sharing time. This simply means that when a student is reading his/her writing for an audience, the listeners pay attention and then tell the writer three things he did well. For instance, after a short pet story, a classmate might say, “You used specific vocabulary that painted good pictures in my mind, like schnauzer, linoleum and catastrophe.” Another peer might say, “I could see it all happening. You took me to the scene.” A listener might offer, “Your ending pulled it altogether.”

By now, the writer’s chest and heart are bursting with encouragement and pride. Nothing beats getting positive feedback from an audience. It means that the responder was listening, really listening to the words. It also means that the writer did something so well that it was easily recognizable by a peer. After receiving such positive kudos, the student writer is anxious to put words on paper again. Better yet, he/she wants to do more things well – wants to improve the quality of writing so he receives more positive feedback. It’s a cycle that, once put in motion, is difficult to stop. But, then, who would want to do that.

The wish. This is usually stated in the form of a question. After listening to the positive feedback, the student writer asks, “Is there anything you’d like to know?” Time is provided for thought. Eventually, one student might ask, “Why did you entitle your piece Lucky’s Magic?” Or someone else might ask, “What was your dog’s name?”

Only one question is asked unless the student writer decides to call on another peer. The wish is a gentle way to nudge the writer to think deeper about something that didn’t ring true with the listener. Instead of saying, “Your title doesn’t fit the writing,” the question starts a dialogue. Typically the student writer decides to make a revision that improves the quality of the writing.

Three Kisses and a Wish takes on different names for older students, such as Three Appreciations and a Question or Three Rave Reviews and One Question. No matter what the name, it’s the ratio that is important. Three to one. Three bravos to one revision point.

Why does something this simple work so beautifully? Because it makes use of what the writer knows. We hear it all the time in education. Work from the student’s strengths to improve the weaknesses. All children want recognition for what they are doing well. But that isn’t always the case.

Some educators and parents still hold onto the teacher model of the 1950’s and 60’s. They read student writing in progress and the first thing they offer is . . . criticism. Don’t get me wrong. It’s intended as helpful criticism, meant to improve the piece immediately. But beware. Watch the body language of the child when this pointed advice is offered. Quite often the child’s head drops, the eyes stop making contact, or worse yet, the child hides his writing when he sees the teacher or parent coming toward him.

Celebrate. If you want to change the attitude at home or in the classroom, start with three things the writer is doing well before asking that question you hope sparks a thoughtful revision. Watch how often the student writer wants to share the latest piece. Watch how the child writes more and better with the kudos. But I do ask one thing. Be honest. Don’t ever offer false praise. A child recognizes the difference between sincerity and bluster.

Even if content is a bit weak, make note of neat printing or handwriting. Commend the child if he/she has written a new piece of vocabulary and gotten MOST of the sounds correct in the initial spelling. You might even compliment him/her on the choice of topic. Whatever you mention, be specific. Writers want to know that their words have made an impact – that you, the audience, notice the smallest of details.

The Three Kisses and a Wish approach is not limited to just writing. It works with just about everything. Homework. Find three things your child is doing well. Is he organizing his work space? Is she working without distractions? Did your child start the homework independently without nagging?

Don’t mention the one word your child mispronounces when reading out loud to you, comment on how fluently he is reading. Let him know that his expression helps bring the story alive. Celebrate anything and everything that your child does well and he’ll do more and better and ask for your input again and again.

The trust that is built with this approach opens the door for authentic discussion and demonstration. If children learn that we are not going to be negative, they will ASK for our advice and believe what we say.

Try it today. Start right now . . . with a daughter, a son, a student, a grandchild, and watch the change in attitude, effort and quality. Trust me, it works!

Author's Note:  Reading Between the Lines is a new column about books, reading, children, writing and an occasional book review. It will reflect my experiences as a teacher, consultant, writer, published author and workshop facilitator. I hope these musings bring you to a closer appreciation of words and what they can do for all of us.

Lola Schaefer is the author of more than 200 books for children, as well as a national writing consultant in elementary and middle schools. She is a Dawsonville resident. You may visit www.lolaschaefer.com to learn more about her and her work.