I am Spam.  Spam-I-am.

That Spam-I-am, that Spam-I-am.  I do not like that Spam-I-am.

Would you like my latest scam?

I do not like it Spam-I-am.  I do not like your latest scam.

Would you read it in a café?  Would you read it with your latte?

I would not read it in a café.  I would not read it with my latte.  I do not like your latest scam.  I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Would you like some Viagra pills?  Would you like to get some thrills?

I do not want Viagra pills!  I do not want any thrills!  I would not read it in a café!  I would not read it with my latte!  I do not like your latest scam!  I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Would you like your credit score?  All I need is your ID, no more…

I do not want my credit score.  You will not get my ID or more.  No Viagra pills.  No wild thrills.  Not in a café.  Not with my latte. I do not like your latest scam.  I do not like it Spam-I-am.

Would you, could you please help”John”?  Read it!  Read it!  Pass it on!

I would not, could not help out John!

A chain!  A chain!  Could you, would you?

No!  It’s a pain!

How about investing in these stocks?  Or clocks, or rocks, or maybe Botox?

Not interested in your stocks!  Or clocks, or rocks, or even Botox!  Can’t help John!  Won’t pass it on!  No credit score!  No ID or more!  No Viagra pills!  No wild thrills!  Not in a café!  Not with my latte!  I do not like your latest scam!  I do not like it Spam-I-am!

You do not like it, so you say.  Read them.  Read them, and you may.   Read them and you may, I say.

Spam!   If you will just let me be, I will read one, and we’ll see… 

Say!  Here’s a fellow from Bangledesh, who wants to send me lots of cash!  He writes of family strife and sorrow, and needs to transfer cash by tomorrow!  Hey!  I like your latest scam!  I do!  I like it Spam-I-am!  I’ll reply to him and push “send”.  His money, I will be happy to spend!  But first he needs a check from me.  What’s a thousand dollars?  He’ll be sending me three! 

I do so like your latest scam!  Thank you, thank you, Spam I am!

You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.